I know I'm not the only working mother who experiences this. I catch myself feeling guilty if I'm at work and not spending time with the children, and then feeling guilty if I'm relaxing with the children and not getting through the records pile (I'm kidding about that relaxing bit, when has watching little children ever been relaxing!). Women often welcome the freedom and financial independence of a career. Yet as we strive for this, we feel overwhelming guilt for not being with our children more. The cycle of guilt can feel endless. What helps me (sometimes, I'm not perfect at this) is the following; - setting time aside for family time - knowing that my career is part of my identity and as such, it is part of me being a good Mum. - thought catching - this is complex. However, in a nut-shell, a lot of thoughts that internally beat ourselves up, are distortions. In regards to guilt, thought distortions might be one of the following (learnt from an excellent performance psychologist) a) jumping to conclusions (for example "I'm late home, I'm a bad mother") b) emotional reasoning (for example "I feel like a bad mother, so I must be a bad mother") c) disqualifying the positive (for example, focusing on the time you are not spending with the kids versus any time you do spend with them) d) should statements (e.g. I 'should' be home with the children and not working) e) all or nothing thinking (e.g. I am always a bad mother, I am never a good mother). If you can catch the thought and rephrase it (as the truth versus a distortion) you can gain some perspective. e.g. I'm sometimes late home, but when I'm on time I try to give the kids some attention. e.g. I feel like I should be home with the children, but work is also important to me. e.g. My kids are safe, happy and well-educated, so I'm probably not always a bad mother. I hope this helps, and to working Mums out there - you are doing an amazing job!! It is a tough gig. x . .
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